mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
