I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
