So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
