made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
