pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i think i scared a bird with my dick
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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