My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
