I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
