I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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