I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
