why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
