Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize
