apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
You need Xanax blowdarts
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
