I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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