Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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