if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
