So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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