yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
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