Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize