So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize