reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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