you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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