cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
