This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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