She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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