woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
