david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
