I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
