Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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