After last night, I could never be a politician.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
