This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
