I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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