I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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