He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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