You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
