I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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