let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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