I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
