It was confusing and full of hummus
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I can't turn off my feet"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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