My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
You've changed since you got that strap on
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
