I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
