i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Im part way to drunk.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
