dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
