My dream of liquor pitchers came true
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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