I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
