i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
