I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
