Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I am one with the molecules
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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