after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
