Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
