remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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