Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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