I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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